– a flag for the uncertain state

tick tock tick tock…

Its 7:50am on a Saturday and the students are filing in as I check their names off a roster telling me they are supposed to be in this classroom.

I have the same room every time. Mr. Holland’s History class in room 352 where illustrating government acts and historical events seem to the best way he can teach the students about history.

Having proctored the SAT on numerous occasions at LA high school, I have seen hundreds of high school students come in to take this daunting test that will decide if they are fit for the colleges that they want to go to.


I read them the prompts to write their names on the answer sheet emphasizing that every block needs to have the correct information.  I can see each students’ facial expression as for some of them, this is the first time they have ever taken a SAT while for others, this is about 100 on the SAT counter.  However, there is one thing they have in common, none of them want to be there.

They also have no idea what college they will attend in the future.  This is one of the initial moments of uncertainty that they will have in their life.

As I’m watching them I think to myself,  “I am glad I don’t have to take the SATs again”, and that I know what I’m doing with my life, I’m in a better place than them


who am I kidding…I am as uncertain as them.

I live with the hope of “everything will turn out ok” but how much of that hope is manufactured by my efforts? Can I steer my hope to where HOPE is a certain reality?

I believe so,

That is my hope.

This being graduation season, there are a lot of great commencement speeches coming out, and in this day and age, we can see all of them via Youtube.  Charlie Day, Charlie on  “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” gave a speech to Merrimack College, his Alma Mater.  After watching his speech, I took this quote as the most inspirational:

 “Be willing to fail, let yourself fail… fail in the way, in the place where you want to fail” 

We do not like to fail, failure is not fun. Failure means the opposite of success.  But if we fail in the place we want to fail, that means we are in the arena of where we want to succeed, a place where we want to end up.

My post grad life has not turned out the best, in terms of my career, but that is why I decided to go to graduate school for Urban Planning.  Graduate school has provided me more opportunities for me but still uncertainty strikes its ugly yet real head.  This is not a mopey post, this is not me trying to feel sorry about myself, THIS is a post about the next step to EMBRACE UNCERTAINTY and to play around with it like my personal toy.

To live and strive in my career, life, relationships and love.

Life is not easy obviously, but as I am getting older, it seems like I am learning how to live it.


The students are finishing up the last section.  I am nearing the end of my book, my back hurts, I am hungry, and in need of a coffee.


My phone timer rings signaling the end of section 10.  The students look relieved, some look worried, and all look tired.  I remind them again that each and every block on the answer info sheet must be written correctly for them to get their scores.  If not, the test scores reaching them will be uncertain therefore, making their way to college uncertain.

As the words come out of my mouth, I remind myself to be accurate in my life choices, make sure all my boxes are filled.

Dark opaque circles with a No.2 pencil.

You’ll be fine Jon, embrace uncertainty and you will be good.  It is the only way to grow.






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